What if the Book of Mormon had been written by Dr. Seuss?


Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam.
Sam: Yes, this is Sam; Sam I am
Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am
Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt
Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt
Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack
Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back
Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear
Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here
Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?
Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way
Laman: Here we are in this damp cave
Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave
Nephi: I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think
Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum
Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram
Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent
Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona
Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives
Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives
Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree!!
The fruit is white, the fruit is free!
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see!
Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit
Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit
Laman: We will not help you build your boat
Lemuel: We do not think that it will float
Laman: No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote
Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say
Laman: We will not eat it on a tray
Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent
Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam
L&L: We will not eat it, Sam I am
Sam: You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say
Laman: Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see
L&L: Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am