Joshua's Song

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.

Wonderland

I feel all misplaced this morning. Everything around me seems strangely wrong somehow, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Maybe it's the return of the brain cloud. No...I'm actually feeling quite a bit better.

Maybe something has radically changed and I just don't process that fast. No...life is exactly the same as it was yesterday.

The flowers are not singing. There is no pot smoking caterpillar. My kids are up and getting ready for school. There is a huge stack of laundry (as there always is on Monday morning).

Maybe rainy days and Mondays always get me down. No...last Monday was just fine.

Oh wait...it snowed again. That probably explains the entire thing.

Coming Soon! But, train? or is it Butt Train?

Red Queen

Rehearsal is becoming a fascinating exercise in painting the roses red.

Just Kidding.

Thursday night it finally got fun. The run through for the producers was a blast and it showed in our performances, which means that Mark and Sally were not unhappy with the show, and we all got the impression that they thought they were going to be. That's not surprising at all, because as of Wednesday night, we weren't happy with the show either.

That said, we don't dare talk at rehearsal anymore or it's "Off With Her Head!"

(The preceeding editorial comments were written while still mostly asleep and under the influence of a headache...please don't hold it against me.)

White Rabbit

I'M LATE!!!!!

Nobody

I'm Nobody! Who Are You?

I'm nobody! Who are you?

Are you nobody, too?

Then there's a pair of us - don't tell!

They'd banish us, you know!


How dreary to be somebody!

How public like a frog

To tell one's name the livelong day

To an admiring bog!

Emily Dickinson

I love poetry! I signed up for a daily poem from About.com and have just loved it! Sometimes as a mother I feel like my brain is turning to mush (Green Eggs and Ham only goes so far in stimulating brain cells) and so having a new poem to read every day is like a sit-up for my mind. (Just one. This is, after all, a very short poem.)

My suggestion for today? Read a poem. Do that mental sit-up. Oh wait! You've read my blog! It's a poem! Yeah! (Too many exclamation points!!!!!)

More Rehearsal

I've reached that point in the show where my body is feeling every single minute of it's 37 years, 5 months, 4 days, 18 hours and some odd minutes. (I was born about 11:30 in the morning, right Mom?)

I always reach this point, and I always forget that it exists until I reach it again.

I've pushed my body in order to keep up with the plethora of 20 somethings who inhabitat the wild, wild west. I'm not sure how it happened, but apparently, in Annie Oakley's time the minute a person turns 30 they either become a lead or drop off the face of the earth. (That's not entirely true, there are 4 of us who have passed that mark...all women, by the way. That says something, too. Oh yeah, it says that "The Civil War" is also running, and all the over 30 men were smart enough to go fight in the "recent unpleasantness" instead of singing about show business.)

I'm very tired this morning.

It's not that rehearsals are keeping me up so late. I got home just after 10:30 last night, but I can't just fall into bed. I need some time to relax, unwind, talk with David about all the emotional things that are happening right now, and that is what's taking the toll. I may get home at 10:30, but I don't get to sleep until almost 12:00. Poor David still gets up in the morning and talks to Sarah before she leaves for school. Then he goes to work all day long. I sleep in, stay in my pajamas as long as possible, teach a couple of lessons, and then run off to rehearsal again. This is an unfair life. Gosh! I should quit complaining! (Sorry, David.)

As with every show I've ever been involved with, there are things besides the blocking and the singing that need to be dealt with. And right now that's what we're doing. Rumors, gossip, hurt feelings, offensive remarks, lazy actors, talking, illness, boredom, missing actors, unblocked scenes (two days before first producers preview!) and just about any other problem a director would have nightmares about. Hence, the need to unwind emotionally before I can go to sleep.

I'm sorry, David. It's a good thing you love me so much!

p.s. Blast! It's snowing again.

Happy Morning

I woke up this morning at 7:00 (A miracle of sleeping, I assure you).

What woke me up? David was playing with Ella, and Ella was giggling...a lot.

I came into the living room, and David was sitting on the couch, with Benjamin going over his math olympiad, Joshua sitting on the heater vents (typical morning activity), and Ella playing with her dolls. Even Chubs was right there, but not making a nuisance of himself.

I can breathe through my nose again, and my throat doesn't feel so sore this morning. A little dry, maybe, but I figure a good breakfast and some juice will take care of that.

If a good morning indicates a good day, I'm in for a great one!

Because even sick people need a laugh...

Shauna sent me an email with this link Hawaii Chair. I may feel like I got hit by a bus, but that didn't stop me from given my lungs and my diaphragm a great work out this morning.

Maybe not as good of a work out as the Hawaii Chair, but pretty good nonetheless.

Today

"Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?"

"Because it's DULL, you twit. It'll hurt more."

Worse

The worst part of being sick is this fog in my brain.

I know I taught Relief Society yesterday, but I don't remember any of it.

I'm pretty sure I saw all of my children at one point or another, but I couldn't tell what they were wearing or what they said.

I do remember Humphrey Bogart, but did he really come to my house?

Maybe it's a brain cloud.

Bunnies and Battles

Bunnies...

Happy Easter!

I love Easter because it means spring to me, as well as other, more spiritual things. David and I have tried to make Easter a special holiday for the kids, not by ceaselessly speaking of the Easter Bunny (he doesn't come to our house), but by focusing on the Savior. They still get Easter baskets filled with candy and such, but those are gifts from David and me.

Ella was excited about her basket (Thank you, Mom for the the bunny!) and immediately tried to eat her chocolate bunny. Guess what part she went for? Ears!!! Of course!

Battles...

David and I went to see "The Civil War" at Hale Centre Theatre last night. In spite of the mixed reviews that I had been hearing, I really enjoyed it. There were some things that weren't as stellar as they should have been, but overall, the show was well worth the cost. Every time the slave ensemble broke into rousing song I waited for my sister, who was sitting behind us, to start shouting "Amen!" and "You tell it, sister!" Esther went on a mission to South Carolina and we just kind of expect that sort of thing from her. The actress playing Sarah had a particularly lovely voice and I enjoyed every one of her songs. Pierce and Lochran were physically well cast as foes (similar height and build, opposite in coloring) but vocally Pierce was much stronger. Strangely enough, it wasn't Lochran's weak voice that bothered me, it was his stiff physical movements. The men's ensemble was pretty amazing, singing very difficult songs and harmonies with emotion and strength. All in all, I thought the show worked.

Yes. I enjoyed myself.

Sick

But it doesn't matter.

I still have a million things to do today, starting with rehearsal in less than 2 hours.

Yuck.

I'm in Es-ca-row!

On Wednesday, David and I signed papers to refinance our home. The last time we did this, three years ago, I swore I would never do it again. After all, we had reduced the length of time until payoff by taking a 20 year mortgage instead of a 30 year; our interest rate was fixed at 6%; and most importantly, homeowners everywhere were losing everything by making stupid decisions (whoever thought an adjustable rate mortgage would be a good idea?).

Why did I do it again?

We again reduced the length of time until payoff by taking the 15 year option. Our interest rate is still fixed, but now it's 5.65%. We also took the bi-weekly pay plan, which should shorten the length of the mortgage by just under 2 years.

Figured it out yet?

We should be mortgage free by the time Ella graduates from high school.

I'm not planning on paying for my children's advanced education. I figure they better get scholarships and grants (Joshua is sitting right here and just gave me a dirty look.) What I want to do is travel. I want to see all sorts of places. I want to try all sorts of new things. And right now, with four kids in tow, my vacations are stuck in family mode...camping, historic monuments, national parks, Disneyland, that sort of thing. Not that Disneyland is a bad place! I will definitely go there even after my kids are grown! But I want to go to Italy, France, England, Scotland, Prince Edward Island, Australia, China...many, many places. And being out of debt is the key.

So...I'm in es-ca-row!

Bunny Fluffy Bunny

Ella and Jacob had their Jacque's Preschool Easter Egg Hunt yesterday morning. They were both so excited! It was sunny, but very windy and very cold, although that didn't seem to matter one bit to the multitude of 3-4 year olds.

Their program was short and sweet, they sang a song titled "Bunny, Fluffy, Bunny". Rachael was taking pictures, I was taking video. I am very happy to report that Rachael got the pictures. Yes, I messed up the video taking portion of the deal. I didn't get the button pressed all the way down, and thus, no video.

I am now hanging my head in shame.

Picture, if you will, 22 3-4 year olds, standing in a line with Easter baskets and bunny ears. They sway side to side. They fiddle, they poke. Some of them smile. Some of them are too busy turning around trying to see their eggs. A couple of them are mouthing the words. Most of them know the "Bunny, Fluffy, Bunny" part of the song. That's the only part we hear every verse. The song ends...they clap for themselves. It was really darling.

I am still hanging my head in shame.

At least Rachael got pictures. I would be a huge wreak if I had messed that up, too.

Ella and Corbin Play Ball

Ella and Corbin decided it was too nice to sit inside all day, and really, who can blame them (it's still too cold for sandals *sigh*). They started out with a soccer ball, but quickly switched to baseball. I think maybe it happened because they know more baseball terminology...and a song. It's always more fun if you can sing while you're playing.

If you listen carefully, every time Corbin yells "Home Run!" Ella breaks into "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".

note for those that care: this is an edited version of the game...the actually video is about twice as long

Labyrinth

There is this movie from the 80's starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly called "Labyrinth". I used to love this movie. It's still a lot of fun, although time has passed it's special effects by. The plot revolves around Sarah's quest to rescue her little brother from the Goblin King while trapped in a world that is an enormous fantasy maze, a labyrinth. The thing is, her brother is kidnapped at her own request. She started the problem, and it falls to her to solve it.


Our lives are often as confusing as Sarah's labyrinth. We make a choice, turn a corner, only to find ourselves trapped yet again. But there is a way out if we can recognize it.

• "Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great...For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great... Damn. I can never remember that line."

After many struggles, mistakes, illusions, bargains and fabrications, she finally realizes that the answer to everything lies in this small statement: "You have no power over me."

Too often I look around myself and realize that I have given my power away to someone who doesn't deserve it or doesn't care. I have given my power up to guilt or negativity. Despair and misery steal bits of me away. Fear is a master manipulator that thrives on taking my power. And when I finally come back to myself, my power is gone. I have bargained it away for nothing. I think this happens to all of us. But I know the answer. I know what to do about it, even if I'm not ready admit it at the time.

• "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here..."

I must, even when my power seems diminished or gone, keep fighting. For as the movie says, "My will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great...you have no power over me." And I must believe it to be true. Without the truth of it behind the words, they are just words.

And that's it. That is the key to everything. The trials we face, the people that would belittle, only have power over us if we let them.

The power is yours.

The power is mine.

Are You Stressed?

STRESS

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.


The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington.


Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many differences between the two dolphins.


The more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is experiencing.


Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may need to take a vacation.

Spring? Yeah, Right!

There is snow on the ground again.

It's getting harder and harder to believe that spring is ever going to come this year.

My mother once (once! probably every spring since we moved to this cold climate from the tropical wetness of the Philippines) promised me that spring would come. She always said, "When the crocuses bloom, then you'll know it's spring." This comment was designed not only to give me assurance that it would definitely be warm again, and probably pretty soon, but also to let me know that I couldn't wear my shorts and sandals, because it really was still winter, and this is Utah.

Well, my crocuses have bloomed, but the snow is going to keep me from wearing my new sandals anyway.

Dang.

Life Images

Rachael tagged me with this one, and yes, it was really fun! Here's how it works: do a Google image search and pick an image from the first page. Easy right?

Age on my next birthday:

One place I'd really like to visit:

The city I live:

My favorite place:

One of my favorite things to do:

One of my favorite foods:

My favorite flower:

My favorite color:

The name of a former pet:

My major in college:

My first job:

My hope for 2008:
That was fun! Everyone should try it! If you haven't already done something similar to this: Tag!

Groundation

Last Sunday I grounded all of my children. They hadn't been running around like maniacs. They weren't fighting with one another. They hadn't taken my very cool minivan for a joyride. What did they do? Well, the question is: what didn't they do?

Their chores. For a very long time.

My house was a disaster, and I was fried. I had truly had it. (That's a funny sentence to look at :) ) So, I grounded them.

They were grounded from all outside activities excepting school and church, but including YW and Scouts. They got grounded from the television and anything to do with that medium. They got grounded from the computer and all computer related games, including handhelds.

Their chores got done on Monday immediately following school.

I lifted the grounding on outside activities and television, but being grounded from the computer games stuck. I want them to have a week where they have to think of other things to do. It's too easy for them to come home from school, pick up a gameboy and spend the rest of the afternoon staring at that tiny screen. I want them to run and play and read and discover and do things that require imagination.

Hmmm.

Joshua calls being grounded "groundation". That's pretty imaginative.

Tired

I cannot believe how tired I am this morning. Just typing that last sentence took me three tries.

Rehearsals are going well, but I think we are more than little bit behind. Tech week is going to be fascinating. *grimace*

I taught my last group voice class for this session yesterday. Now that it's all over I think I'm going to miss those crazy girls.

I bought new shoes yesterday, it seems to be the thing to do in my family right now, but unlike Rachael and Shauna, I don't have a cute picture of them to post. I can't find one on the Kohls website. And really, I'm too tired to go take one and upload it. Maybe tomorrow.

Having dinner with Cat last night was really fun...right up until the moment we both realized that I was late for rehearsal. This was probably the first time I've been glad that rehearsals have always started late.

I think I'm going to go back to bed now. Barring that, I'm going to stay in my pajamas for a while longer. Ella will stay in her pajamas all day, it is after all, pajama day. If I could, I would stay in my pajamas all day, too. Singing cows are a good look on me.

Gilmore Girls

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.

Gilmore Girls Game

Great title! Terrific Alliteration! Loads of Fun! Play the Gilmore Girls Game today!

The Rules:

1. Everyone but Rachael on one team.
2. Rachael on the other team.
3. Team One (not Rachael) names an episode. i.e. "what about the one when Lane gets contacts?" (Season Six Epsiode Three doesn't work)
4. Rachael will give a quote from said episode.
5. Epsiodes may be repeated, if a different plot line is used.
6. The winner is decided by who can still speak when the laughter gets too hearty.

This game is appropriate for all ages! And especially fun at events like Rossini's "Cinderella" and Sunday Family Dinner!

Alternate Rules.

1. Everyone playing (including Rachael), names one episode at a time.
2. The phrase begins either, "Remember the episode when..." or "Was it the episode when..."
3. Everyone wins!

Pretend

I'm pretending it's spring.

I painted my toenails yesterday and wore slippers to rehearsal. (Note to self: dancing for three hours in bare feet is painful.)

I wore capris and a pale pink blouse.

I opened many of the windows in my house to let in the fresh air. (The heater came on almost immediately.)

I lit a scented oil heater with jasmine instead of cinnamon.

I used Velvet Tuberose body wash instead of the the more winter-y Midnight Pomegranite.

I didn't wear a sweater at all yesterday.

I got pink extensions put in my hair.

Still, there is a crocus blooming in my yard. Maybe it's not pretend. Maybe it's for real.

Underscore

Main Entry:
1un·der·score
Pronunciation:
\ˈən-dər-ˌskȯr\
Function:
transitive verb
Date:
1771
1 : to draw a line under : underline 2 : to make evident : emphasize, stress 3 : to provide (action on film) with accompanying music

In my life: the music I hear in my head nearly every minute of every day, frequently with full orchestral accompaniment, often audible to others as I sing or hum, usually appropriate to the situation at hand.

i.e.

1. Last night I was hearing Bach and Mozart: I was at Sterling Singers.
2. Saturday morning: Irving Berlin, specifically "There's No Business Like Show Business"
3. Saturday night: Carole King, "Where You Lead" (in spite of the fact that I was watching Rossini's "Cinderella")
4. Last week Thursday and Friday: Cory Hart, "Never Surrender".
5. Right now? A bizarre mix of all of the above, with Billy Joel and Sunshine in my Soul thrown in for good measure.

There have been times in my life when the music has stopped. It might seem as if that would be a good thing, but it leaves me feeling isolated and disjointed. Most of the time I don't even think about the music in my head, it's just always there. It's part of who I am. So, when I heard my friend Kelly talk about how he likes to do shows so much because that, along with his choirs, provides the underscore of his life, I felt a little bit sorry for him. My underscore is provided 24/7 by my own imagination. Even my dreams have music in them.

Maybe this makes me a little bit strange. Maybe this makes me a lot strange. But I can't imagine any other way to be. It's always been this way, I hope it always stays this way. In fact, one of my earliest memories is me swinging as high as I could go, singing a song about a caterpillar. I hadn't thought about it much, but most of my memories are underscored as well. Whether the music was there when it happened, or I provided it later I couldn't say, I'll just have to call it creative editing. It makes life very interesting, and life is meant to be very interesting ...with full accompaniment.

Can You Spot the Tiger?

Just a way cool video David forwarded to me.

The Funniest Email I've Read in a Long Time

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.



'Why?' my daughter asked.



'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs,' I replied.



At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'



I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.'



We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.



'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.'



''Exactly,' I replied back with a big smile on my face.

Happy With Myself

I woke up this morning and felt skinny.

It's been so long since I've been happy with myself the way I am that at first I didn't realize what I was feeling. I waited a few moments. Nope. Feeling didn't go away. I still feel good about myself.

Why is it women are so often made to feel like less than they really are? Are we not all beautiful in our own way? Do we not all have something to offer the world?

I saw a fabulous movie last night, one that I think I'm going to see again, only next time I'm going to take Sarah with me. "Penelope" is the story of a pig face girl who is looking for someone to accept her the way she is. She spends most of the movie hiding behind one thing or another, thinking that her "deformity" makes people run screaming from her.

When will we learn to accept ourselves the way we are? When will we learn that we are beautiful?

I want my daughters to feel beautiful about themselves exactly the way they are. I want to teach them that they are so much more than just a pretty face. I hope I can help them learn that what they can offer is more than enough, and anyone who doesn't appreciate that doesn't deserve them.

I think we all could use a shot in the arm of self-confidence. Here is my spur of the moment, made up prescription for feeling better about everything.

1. Look yourself in the mirror.
2. Take a deep breath.
3. Smile!
4. Say, "I am happy with myself."
5. Repeat as necessary.

And go see "Penelope". It's worth the eight dollars and the two hours. It really is.

Ella and Corbin Conversations

I tended Corbin all day yesterday. Danna had the school performances of "Civil War", Devon was at school, Seth was at work, and Corbin needed a place to be, so he came to me.

Corbin and Ella get along really well most of the time. It's really one of the easiest babysitting jobs I could do, they entertain each other, and on occasion, me, too.

Corbin: Listen!
C: Listen!
C: Listen!
Ella: Stop saying that!
C: Listen!
C: Listen!
E: Why are you saying that?
C: I always say Listen! Listen!
(slight pause)
C: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

This was followed by an in depth discussion (for preschool kids) of names.

C: My name is Corbin Alexander Barney. My brother's name is Devon Patrick Barney.
E: I am Ella Rogers
C: NO! You're Ella Marie Rogers!
E:
C: My daddy's name is Seth.
E: Seth. I know Seth!
C: My other people are Danna.

Somehow, the discussion of names lead directly to vacation woes.

C: Lasterday we went to the beach.
E: The beach? Did you see *mumble mumble* (I couldn't hear this part)
C: I took my bunny.
E: The green one?
C: No, the yellow one. Remember the yellow bunny?
E: I remember.

Both children let out a downhearted sigh. I guess the yellow bunny is still missed.

There should be some fascinating summary of everything I learned by listening to innocent children, how they see the world, how they communicate, how clever they are...I've got nothing. It's just funny.

*smile*

This weeks grocery list as it appeared on the white board when I got home last night.

toilet paper
garbage bags
Miracle Whip
lunch meat
tuna
eggs
light bulbs
carrots
peanut butter
ice cream? (Dad)
milk
cereal
donuts??? (Josh)
cookies??? (Josh)
Sprite & Root Beer? (Ben)
A Big Rock (Ella)
Pop Tarts? (Sarah)

UUUUHHHH

Imagine doing a dip over and over again with a partner that doesn't support you as you go down. His arm is there, but there's no tension in it. His knee does not come in to support your back. The choreographer keeps saying to try it again.

This is my life.

I.

Hurt.

All.

Over.

Luckiest

I think I am the luckiest person in the world.

How many people do you know that get to do for a living what they love? I know lots of people who get to do what they love, but only after they have worked all day at a job that they might like, they might not, but they certainly don't love.

I love teaching lessons.

I got to go to solo and ensemble festival last night to accompany for six of my students. I was so proud of them! They all sang so beautifully. They were poised and accomplished, and I have great hopes that at least a couple of them will get to move on to the state festival.

I knew I was excited to go, but the look on Spencer's face when I showed up was priceless. The festival was running about an hour ahead of schedule, so even though I was 20 minutes early for my first student, I could have played 20 minutes earlier than that. Spencer was hoping I showed up before Kelly just insisted that he accompany. "I told Mr. DeHaan you would be mad if you didn't get to accompany for me."

Spencer kicked some butt with his German song. Brian has one of the most gorgeous tenors voices I've ever heard. Luke had none of the problems with shutting off his tone that I've come to expect. DeeDee did far better than expected, especially since she had surgery on her vocal area just two weeks ago. Alyssa was sweet and engaged all throughout her song, telling the story better than I've ever heard her before. Stephanie? Well, Stephanie sang "Quando Men Vo" and when she got to the last chorus (think ABA), I nearly burst into tears. It was that beautiful. She was light, she was teasing, she was flirty, it was the best performance I had heard all night.

I get to do what I love for a living.

I must be the luckiest person in the world.

A Comforting Thought

.


Heavenly Father does not grade on a Bell Curve.


.

Whatever

I am currently reading a book titled "The Last of the Red Hot Vampires".

Yes, it is as silly as it sounds.

I started thinking about that, and realized that we all need a little silliness in our lives on occasion. I had a very thoughtful weekend. I learned a lot. I've been studying my next Relief Society lesson. I've been composing a very beautiful song. I've been taking care of kids and my house and finances and getting students ready for solo and ensemble festival.

I needed something silly. This book certainly fits the bill.

"The Last of the Red Hot Vampires".

Really...

Change

This was an interesting weekend. I hadn't planned on so many incidents that would make me think, but there they were, fully formed and thought provoking. And so, I thought, I pondered, I wondered, I discussed, I came to some conclusions.

Kate performed a play called "Closetland". It was very disturbing to me. I suppose this is okay, because it's not meant to be light entertainment, it's meant to say something. The basic story is this: in an unnamed country, a woman is taken from her home in the middle of the night and interrogated for sedition and treason. The interrogation quickly becomes torture. Lovely story, isn't it?

A couple of days ago Kate was talking to me about the Patriot Act. That's not a very pleasant topic either. Ask her about it sometime. She has fully formed and well informed opinions. I, on the other hand, am woefully uninformed and therefore have opinions that are not as concrete, some would not hesitate to say "half-baked". But I believe everyone has the right to their own opinion and that includes me.

My opinion on this is strongly influenced by my religion. Do I believe this is a serious miscarriage of human rights? Yes! Do I think we, the people, need to stand up and do everything we can to change this? Yes! Do I think we are going to be successful? No. Do I think this is inevitable? Yes. Why? The constitution must hang by a thread, and this is certainly helping in that regard. And that is what causes my feelings about the matter to be so mixed: there are things that must happen before the end will come, and this is certainly contributing to one of those things.

The lesson in Sunday School this week was wonderful and uplifting, which is good, because "Closetland" was Saturday night. The discussion was about everything the Savior had done for us. The answer to that is quite simple: everything. I felt the Spirit as those around me told of experiences with struggles and trials and finally being strengthened. I listened to the thoughts the teacher had prepared and it seeded thoughts of my own. It all starts with a simple verb: come. There is so much contained in that short word, worlds of meaning, depth of definition. The action itself, is not always so simple, but the concept is. Come. And I realized that I need to take action, I need to come unto Him. It's a never ending undertaking. But this I know, I want the blessings that are promised after the action is taken.

Last night David and I watched a pretty great movie, "Amazing Grace". The song was mutilated a couple of times during the movie, but even I got over it as the story unfolded. It's about the abolition of slave trade in England, lead by a man named William Wilburforce. He spends years of his life working to end what he knows to be an inhumane and despicable practice. The fact that he eventually succeeds is public record, but the telling of the story entranced me. I had never pondered the fact that good things, difficult things, happened all over the world, all throughout time. I believe that the founding fathers of this country were led by God. I believe that Abraham Lincoln was led by God to end slavery here. But what of this man, Wilburforce? Is it possible that he was led by God as well? I think it not only probable, but highly likely. It makes me think that wherever great and good change occurs, the hand of God is there, guiding the process.

It took some time, but my thoughts coalesced into something infinitely more workable. If all change that is great and good occurs with the hand of God, I am not expected to make serious change by myself. If I come unto Him and ask for help, I can be guided in any endeavors that are good. It may take time. It will take suffering and sacrifice. But change can be wrought upon an ungrateful and uncaring world. One person at a time. One thought at a time. I believe this without question, without qualm. After all, experiences conspired against me this weekend, and I am changed.

Dashed Hope

snow...ick

I'm a Wimp!

14

Even lousy parents get second chances

Benjamin had his fourth grade program on Thursday morning. He brought home the note to tell David and I about it a month ago. The note sat on the fridge for a month. And come Thursday morning, both David and I forgot all about it.

The really sad part is that I had no plans on Thursday. It's not as if I couldn't have gone. I did run one errand, but it turned out to take a lot less time than I originally thought. And the rest of the day Ella and I stayed at home and played.

It wasn't Benjamin who informed us of our mistake: it was Joshua! And after that, we felt terrible. Benjamin told us, "I looked and looked for you, but you didn't come." He looked before the program started. He looked during his line. He looked during all the songs. He looked right up until the end.

David and I were lousy parents that day.

Thankfully, Benjamin is a very forgiving kid. He decided the best way for us to make it up to him would be to take him out for a shake and let him tell us all about the program. This seemed like a great idea to David and me, and so last night, after I got home from rehearsal, we took Benjamin to Sconecutter and got him not only a shake, but monster spicy fries as well.

He told us his line, a couple of times. He sang part of one of the songs. We talked about school and friends and girlfriends and homework and castles and kings. He learned some secret vacation plans. We know he can keep a secret. It takes so little to make this child happy, why don't we do it more often?